<\/p>\n
Henrik Scharfe, a professor at Aalborg University, has created a robot in his image that was used to fire people in an experiment.-CBSNews.com<\/span><\/i> <\/span><\/p>\n Whenever I get a call from Robot Resources, I know it\u2019s not going to be good news. The first time I went down there they wrote me up for excessive Eydie Gorme searching during work hours. I\u2019d forgotten to erase my search history, and Hank, the overweight guy who runs the IT department, reported me.<\/span><\/p>\n They put a memo in my personnel file and I was careful for awhile, but then on the Team-Building Outing my hand slipped down Mary Lou Pfenstrunk\u2019s bodice when we did that trust-building exercise where you fall backwards into your co-workers\u2019 arms, and all of a sudden I\u2019m sitting there with two strikes and a foul tip, if you know what I mean. I was told if there were any more screw-ups I could clean out my cubicle.<\/span><\/p>\n Then\u2013I swear\u2013I took Claudia Boul\u2019s strawberry-banana yogurt from the 8th floor refrigerator by mistake. All right, I figured she would never notice that I\u2019d given her the nondescript wildberry flavor my wife bought me. What the hell is a wildberry, anyway?<\/span><\/p>\n So when I saw Cyborg 3Rn\u2019s name on my phone screen, I gulped involuntarily. Time to face the music and dance, I thought. I took the long walk down to the 5th floor, where the walls are lousy with motivational posters that make people question whether there\u2019s something wrong with them because they don\u2019t love their jobs.<\/span><\/p>\n I knock lightly on 3Rn\u2019s open door, and he looks up from his Sudoku. As usual, he\u2019s showing off by doing it behind his head, the way T-Bone Walker used to play his guitar.<\/span><\/p>\n \u201ccome in come in come in,\u201d he says in that flat, uninflected tone you get from automated phonemail operators. \u201chave a seat sit anywhere.\u201d Since there are only two chairs, one for the employee and one for the witness that the legal department says must be present whenever someone is fired, I don\u2019t have much choice.<\/span><\/p>\n \u201chow\u2019s the wife how\u2019re the kids how \u2019bout those red sox,\u201d 3Rn says after I\u2019ve sat down, as if he cares.<\/span><\/p>\n \u201cIn reverse order, the Red Sox were just eliminated\u2013ask for a software upgrade. My kids are fine, but Christmas is coming and they\u2019ll wonder why they\u2019re getting shoes instead of scooters. As for my wife\u2013you don\u2019t even remember her name.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n \u201csure i do sure i do,\u201d 3Rn says, but he hesitates for a moment as he searches through his database. \u201cit\u2019s linda right?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n \u201cThat\u2019s right, but it\u2019s not like you had it on the tip of your little plastic tongue.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n \u201cno need to be bitter,\u201d 3Rn says just as 4Zxi walks in to join us.<\/span><\/p>\n \u201chi there how ya doin\u2019\u201d 4Zxi says, all bubbly. He\u2019s usually slotted for campus interviews, and I guess they forgot to turn down his enthusiasm control to the \u201cmorose\u201d setting.<\/span><\/p>\n Once the pleasantries are over 3Rn gets down to business. \u201ci regret to inform you that your services will no longer be needed.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n \u201cWhy?\u201d I ask, although I know the answer. My numbers have slipped steadily over the past three years, the by-product of a mid-life crisis that these guys could never understand. I\u2019ve been depressed, and when you\u2019re depressed you couldn\u2019t sell a life preserver to a drowning man.<\/span><\/p>\n The question calls for a higher-order logical response than 3Rn is prepared for, so he has to search his memory for a bit before replying.<\/span><\/p>\n \u201cwell, this place isn\u2019t for everyone,\u201d he begins. \u201cwe\u2019re an up-or-out type of organization, and you\u2019ve essentially plateaued.\u201d I\u2019m a little taken aback; I didn\u2019t know 3Rn, with his robotic personality, was capable of such a nuanced assessment of my situation.<\/span><\/p>\n \u201cyou might be happier someplace else,\u201d 4Zxi adds in a genial tone, playing good cop to the hatchet man\u2019s bad cop.<\/span><\/p>\n \u201cLook, I need time to find a new job,\u201d I say, trying not to sound too desperate.<\/span><\/p>\n \u201clike how much?\u201d 3Rn jabs right back.<\/span><\/p>\n \u201cI don\u2019t think ninety days is unreasonable.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n \u201cninety days!\u201d I have to say, I\u2019ve never seen an exclamation point come out of 3Rn\u2019s grim little visage before.<\/span><\/p>\n \u201cnow three,\u201d 4Zxi says, \u201cthat\u2019s not unreasonable for a high-level professional job.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n \u201cexcuse us for a moment, would you?\u201d 3Rn says, and I get up and go out in the hall, closing the door behind me. The next few minutes are the longest in my life, longer even than my first time up on the ten-meter springboard at the town pool, with all the 13-year-olds behind me yelling \u201cJump!\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n When the door opens it\u2019s 4Zxi who beckons to come in.<\/span><\/p>\n \u201ci don\u2019t like long good-byes,\u201d 3Rn says. \u201cso we\u2019re going to give you three months\u2019 severance, but you have to work from home.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n \u201cThat\u2019s going to crimp my style,\u201d I say. \u201cI\u2019d rather be able to come into the office and pretend I\u2019m gainfully employed while I look to make a lateral move.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n \u201cyou can do that from home,\u201d 4Zxi says.<\/span><\/p>\n \u201cIt\u2019s not the same\u2013I won\u2019t have an office, I won\u2019t have a title.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n \u201ci don\u2019t know,\u201d 4Zxi says. \u201cyou\u2019ll just be calling people on the phone.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n \u201cI won\u2019t have much self-confidence calling in my pajamas.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n \u201cwhy not?\u201d 3Rn asks. \u201cyou\u2019ll be better dressed than you are now.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n END.<\/span><\/p>\n By Con Chapman<\/span><\/p>\n Con Chapman is a Boston-area writer, author of two novels and a history of the \u201978 Red Sox-Yankees pennant race, The Year of the Gerbil. He is currently writing a biography of Johnny Hodges, Duke Ellington\u2019s long-time alto sax player, for Oxford University Press.<\/span><\/p>\n <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" Henrik Scharfe, a professor at Aalborg University, has created a robot in his image that was used to fire people in an experiment.-CBSNews.com Whenever I get a call from Robot Resources, I know it\u2019s not going to be good news. The first time I went down there they wrote me up for excessive…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_kad_post_transparent":"","_kad_post_title":"","_kad_post_layout":"","_kad_post_sidebar_id":"","_kad_post_content_style":"","_kad_post_vertical_padding":"","_kad_post_feature":"","_kad_post_feature_position":"","_kad_post_header":false,"_kad_post_footer":false,"_kad_post_classname":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[9,2,11],"tags":[13,17,18,20,21,28,29,30,56,72,76],"class_list":["post-368","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-archives","category-astounding-stories","category-neural-nets-uplinks-and-wetware","tag-13","tag-ai","tag-android","tag-artificial-intelligence","tag-blade-runner","tag-cyberpunk","tag-cyberpunk-stories","tag-cyborgs","tag-matrix","tag-science-fiction","tag-short-story"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/astoundingoutpost.com\/stories\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/368","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/astoundingoutpost.com\/stories\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/astoundingoutpost.com\/stories\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/astoundingoutpost.com\/stories\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/astoundingoutpost.com\/stories\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=368"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/astoundingoutpost.com\/stories\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/368\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/astoundingoutpost.com\/stories\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=368"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/astoundingoutpost.com\/stories\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=368"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/astoundingoutpost.com\/stories\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=368"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}