Of course the war had to go on despite the quest of the missing Jerry marks. All the next day the Ninth Pursuit went about its chores in the ozone over Europe and were elated with results. Up to four in the afternoon Garrity\u2019s outfit had knocked off three Drachen hot air weenies, a Rumpler, two Fokkers, and an Albatros. Flight leaders reported to Garrity that Hauptmann von Katzenjammer\u2019s circus was still among the missing and that fact had made the going easy.
\nStill the Old Man could not believe that the Jerry Wing had been cockeyed enough to withdraw the Hauptmann from the sector just when he had been demoralizing Allied winged stock. However, rumors that the Kaiser\u2019s bankroll was getting flatter than a Scotch pancake had been whispered along the front for days. Perhaps the Hauptmann and his outfit had gone on strike.
\nPhineas Pinkham waited impatiently for the dusk patrol. And Lieutenant Clarence Devine had been gnawing his nails to the quick, although he was not scheduled for the sweep-up hop of the day. He stood near the ammo shack idly smoking a cigarette as Captain Howell, Phineas, and Bump climbed into their respective battle wagons. When the Pinkham Spad with its galloping dominoes insignia kissed the tarmac good-bye, Clarence hopped away in search of the Equipment Officer. Astride a mechanical bug, he rode toward Bar-leDuc muttering: \u201cSmart guy, huh? I\u2019ll show that speckled baboon I can read his mind. Got a landing field, has he? Engine trouble when he wants it, huh? I\u2019ll have him booked for Leavenworth in ten days!\u201d
\nNow Howell and his flyers spotted scant few of enemy aircraft on their last jaunt of the day. The one two-seater that they did spot was hightailing it toward Potsdam. Phineas thanked the Boche in the rear pit for shooting at them with his Spandaus although a half mile separated the Rumpler from the Spads. Near Bar-le-Duc he threw the Spad into a sort of fit as if a bullet had nudged its vitals. He dropped out of formation and slid down toward the carpet.
\n\u201cThat wise guy!\u201d Howell roared. \u201cIf that Boche lead hit him, then traffic whistles in London scare the kangaroos in Australia. He\u2019s faking. Wait until I tell the Major. I\u2019m still boss of this flight. That\u2019s twenty times he\u2019s ducked out on me since\u2014 I\u2019ll burn his pants!\u20191
\nLieutenant Pinkham rolled to a neat landing in the pasture outside of Bar-le-Duc, got out of the Spad, and looked about cautiously. Satisfied, he taxied over to the hollow tree and plunged a hand inside.
\nBut suddenly a triumphant, gloating voice rang out.
\n\u201cGot you, Pinkham! You\u2019re covered ! Ha! Thought you could fool me, did you? I\u2019m
\nLieutenant Devine\u2014of the Intelligence Corps. Step back and keep your hands up.\u201d
\n\u201cWhy if it ain\u2019t Clarence,\u201d Phineas said, feigning frustration. \u201cYou sure are some detective. Well, you\u2019re the better man an\u2019\u2014well, a Pinkham will admit when he\u2019s licked, haw-w-w-w!\u201d
\nLieutenant Devine shoved a hand into the hollow tree\u2014and there came a sound like a sabre tooth tiger\u2019s teeth banging together. Clarence leaped off the ground and hollered like a wolf with a toothache.
\n\u201cHa-a-a-alp! Somethin\u2019\u2014bit\u2014me! Ha-a-alp! It won\u2019t let go! Ow-w-w-w-w-w! Halp!\u201d
\nPhineas saluted jauntily. \u201cGood evenin\u2019. I bet you will get awful tired of that tree durin\u2019 the night, Clarence, ol\u2019 thing. But don\u2019t feel too bad; lots of bums have tried to match wits with a Pinkham\u2014to their sorrow, haw-w-w-w! If you are Sherlock Holmes, I can milk turtles!\u201d
\nHaving rid himself of a nuisance, Phineas climbed into his sky wagon and pointed its prop boss toward Souilly as soon as he had lifted it out of the clutches of the law of gravity. The job of picking out a landmark near the old chateau taxed the navigating acumen of the miracle man of the Ninth. But he finally sighted an adjacent cow pasture. Then after landing Phineas walked cautiously to the location of his cache and plunged a hand into the hole in the sycamore tree where he had deposited the Heinie legal tender. He pulled out something that certainly was not a trench coat. The fabric was much too smooth to the touch and it seemed to have no end\u2014like colored handkerchiefs being hauled out of a magician\u2019s sleeve. There were ropes tied to it and when the Boonetown sleight of hand performer had finally brought all of it to light, he knew that he was looking at a parachute.
\n\u201cHuh,\u201d he grunted, \u201ca Boche has dropped in an\u2019 I ain\u2019t got a cake baked. What is he after, huh? What was it I heard about Heinie Staffels not getting paid and threatening to quit the guerre? Hm-m-m\u2014let\u2019s see now. Haw-w-w-w, that is what the spy-droppin\u2019 was for. To get some marks as they have heard about old Bouillon, too. Now if Clarence was watchin\u2019 me, I am sure McWhinney is not blindfolded, either. It is a tough game bein\u2019 a financier. I bet I\u2019ll be jumped on before I get close to that old Frog.\u201d
\nThe errant flyer bundled up the chute, crammed it back into the tree, and moved away. Intuition hit him and he saw a way out. A parachute had come down\u2014but nobody had made one that could take off, he ruminated. A Boche was looking for a chance to get off Allied soil and he must be somewhere about. It was now quite dark and Yankee bat flyers were up doing their stuff. As Phineas retired to a thicket nearby, a searchlight from the front began to sweep the nocturnal ozone with a spear of artificial light. And the sound of bursting shrapnel reached the Pinkham ears while he was hacking at shrubbery with a big jack-knife.
\nIn ambush near the chateau Colonel McWhinney and two M.P.\u2019s were licking their chops. \u201cThat was Pinkham, I\u2019ll bet my pants,\u201d the brass hat clipped. \u201cWe\u2019ll let him get into the chateau\u2014and then hop him! We\u2019ll get him so cold he\u2019ll have chilblains! Fool with me, will he?\u201d
\nBETWEEN the chateau and the spot where
\nPhineas was exercising skulduggery a Kraut was lurking. He, too, had heard the Spad and had poked his bullet-like head out from under cover to watch its fiery exhaust settle closer and closer to the ground. Near his elbow rested a big bundle of Jerry marks. And back in the chateau an ancient Frog was bound and gagged, his beard tied to a chair leg.
\n\u201cGott sie danke,\u201d the Kraut gutturaled. \u201cOudt mit der Spadt I vill go.\u201d He began to crawl forward cautiously.
\nPhineas was standing on the Spad stirrup placing something in the pit. Once he yelped and put his thumb into his mouth and bit down hard. Then he jumped down and walked away from the battle wagon. Its prop idled lazily as Lieutenant Pinkham sauntered aimlessly toward the road where a U.S. boiler still lay in a ditch quite defunct. No sooner had he climbed the fence when K-4, Potsdam snooper, reached the Yankee bus and hurriedly tied a package to a strut. Then the Junker scrambled aboard and settled heavily into the pit.
\n\u201cOw-w-w-w-w-w! Gott! Himmel!
\nDonnervetter!\u201d
\nPhineas ran back toward the Spad as the howls assailed the air. \u201cHaw-w-w-w-w-w!\u201d he guffawed. \u201cBlackthorn is the spikiest stuff that grows. I bet he\u2019s stuck up worse than an Astorbilt. Boys, have I got intuition like dames!\u201d
\nColonel McWhinney yipped: \u201cCome on! Somebody beat us to it. They\u2019ve nabbed Pinkham. Come on, men. Maybe Devine followed him. Hurry up and get into that car, you dumb\u2014!\u201d
\nK-4, jabbed in a dozen spots on his empennage, tumbled out of the Spad and hopped around in circles. His painful ululations could be heard halfway to Chaumont.
\n\u201cWee gates!\u201d Phineas chortled. \u201cHow ist der tail assembly, eh? Don\u2019t make a move, Heinie, or idt giffs der\u2014\u201d He brandished a fence stake and since K-4 could not stop moving, Phineas caressed his noggin. The Prussian folded up like a campstool and the Boonetown conniver promptly sat on him. He was nonchalantly smoking a cigarette when McWhinney and his A.E.F. cops came over the rise from the sunken road puffing like wheezy engines.
\n\u201cWhat kept you?\u201d Phineas inquired with a grin. \u201cWhere have all you big policemen been while this Kraut was stealing the old Frog\u2019s marks? They are right on the wing there. It looks like it always takes a Pinkham to get Chaumont out of a mess.\u201d
\n\u201cWell\u2014why\u2014you\u2019ve got a spy there!\u201d McWhinney whinnied.
\n\u201cIt ain\u2019t no boy scout,\u201d Phineas countered. \u201cLoad him into that car an\u2019 take the marks, Colonel. You can see that them doughs who escaped that night must\u2019ve come back when we was gone an\u2019 got the marks to the Frog. An\u2019 then the Heinie come along an\u2019 lifted \u2018em along with a lot more. I bet there\u2019s a hundred thousand marks in that package. Well, let\u2019s get goin\u2019. We got to see what happpened to Bouillon, monsoors.\u201d<\/p>\n
Crash on Delivery Chapter 9<\/p>\n
Three hours later a mud-bespattered machine lurched into the drome of the Ninth Pursuit Squadron and pulled up in front of headquarters. Old Man Garrity and Captain Howell were standing on the tarmac looking up at a Spad that had been circling overhead for fully fifteen minutes. Sergeant Casey kept ackemmas burning petrol flares on the ground while he jumped up and down and waved his fist at what they were sure was the Pinkham Spad.
\n\u201cWhy don\u2019t the big lug land, huh? Come down, you bat-eared bum, or we\u2019ll let you feel your way in from memory. What ails that fathead?\u201d
\n\u201cI\u2019ve been trying to figure that out for years!\u201d the Old Man snorted. Turning, he legged it to where five men were unloading themselves from the khaki-hued jilopi. They were Colonel McWhinney, a gesticulating old Frog with a white beard, a Boche spy, and two M.P.\u2019s. The Spad now nosed in for a landing, nearly sideswiped two trees, then rolled the length of a snaky rope of flare fire.
\n\u201cOne of my ailerons was jammed,\u201d he yipped, covering up the fact that he wanted to be sure McWhinney had arrived before he landed. \u201cAn\u2019 I\u2019ll bet you wanted to hog all the credit for capturing that Boche, huh, Colonel? Haw-w-w-w! Well, here I am with the marks.\u201d And he tossed the bundle of Boche legal tender at Garrity\u2019s feet and struck a defiant pose.
\n\u201cUh\u2014er\u2014yes, Major, he caught the Boche,\u201d the brass hat gulped. \u201cI\u2014er\u2014can\u2019t seem to figure it out\u2014how he knew the man was there\u2014er\u2014put thorns in the Spad and\u2014er let\u2019s go inside and think things out.\u201d
\n\u201cOh, it\u2019s simple,\u201d Phineas said airily. \u201cEven to the Intelligence Corps. But they nearly messed up everything. Clarence Devine chasin\u2019 me like that, huh! I had to\u2014er\u2014I was on the spy\u2019s trail ever since that night\u2014er\u2014I got the cow\u2014the cow got in front of the Colonel\u2019s buggy. I says to myself, what would I do if I was a spy an\u2019 nobody could get to me to pick me up? So I did what I thought I would do if I was K-4. Why, I would look for an Allied crate. That\u2019s what the Boche spy did, and I left the Spad where he could take it\u2014 even left the prop turnin\u2019 over for him. K-4 made a mistake, though, haw-w-w-w! He should have looked the gift horse in the mouth, as it was lined with them spiky\u2014\u201d
\nColonel McWhinney shook his head and muttered: \u201cSomebody get me a drink.\u201d
\n\u201cYeah,\u201d Phineas went on, chuckling, \u201cClarence was an awful nuisance and I had to put him where he would be hors de combat. Babette has rats in her cellar.\u201d
\n\u201cNow whatinell has that got to do with gettin\u2019 this Boche?\u201d Garrity hollered, jumping up and down with exasperation. \u201cRats\u2014\u201d
\n\u201cThey catch \u2018em with traps big enough to hold a woodchuck,\u201d Phineas replied blandly. \u201cI put one in a hollow tree where Clarence thought I\u2019d hid the marks I\u2014the marks they said I stole. Huh, accusin\u2019 me of\u2014Colonel, you did not do so good, either. You lost those doughs an\u2019 the swag, an\u2019 you was hidin\u2019 out in the woods near the chateau while a Kraut was assaultin\u2019 an\u2019 robbin\u2019 a Frog taxpayer. Say, what is it you have to know to be in the Intelligence? Haw-w-w-w!\u201d
\n\u201cI will not stay here to be insulted!\u201d the brass hat spouted indignantly. \u201cNo, I won\u2019t.\u201d
\n\u201cWell, who\u2019s holdin\u2019 you down?\u201d the professor of skulduggery, ledgerdemain, prestidigitation, and just plain practical joking, inquired, quite sure of his ground. \u201cAnd you\u2019d better send somebody out to get Clarence toot sweet, as he must be cramped where he is, Major. I bet you want to know why I knew he was in the A.E.F. police force, too, huh? Well, it was because he looked so dumb. Also when he got into a Spad he wiped off the bucket seat first. And once I saw him try to spin it like it was a swivel chair. Haw-ww! What a guerre!\u201d
\n\u201cI weel see ze preseedant of all ze Franch!\u201d old Jacques Bouillon sputtered. \u201cI know ze rights. Remembair Lafayette et Jean d\u2019Arc. Ze satees-facse-on from Robespierre!\u201d
\n\u201cHe forgot Madame DuBarry,\u201d Phineas grinned. \u201cHe\u2019s got cuckoos in his belfry. I would let him go, if I was you bums\u2014er, officers\u2014as if he takes things to court, Chaumont will find out the things that I am willing to overlook if I am not persecuted any longer, haw-w-w! Cheer up, Colonel, as you will maybe make your mark some day. Boys, I am full of \u2018em, see swar, huh?\u201d
\n\u201cLet me out of here!\u201d Colonel McWhinney snorted. \u201cLet me through there, gentlemen!\u201d
\n\u201cBut don\u2019t forget Clarence,\u201d Phineas trilled.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
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